I was rewarded with what is the best romance plot I have encountered in any game. I speak of course of the fun of trying to get Alistair, the virgin Templar, into your bed.
After many many hours of gameplay I present to you a screenshot of the ultimate results of my work.
( Cut for image loading )
Now tell me that ain't hot.
Title: Swords and Roses
Subject: Dragon Age: Origins
Pairing: Female PC mage/Alistair
Category: Unashamed smut/humour
Rating: Adult (well not right now, but will get later if I finish this)
Disclaimer:Only the female PC Lamia is created by me, rest is property of Origins.
It’s not the gore and violence of smashing darkspawn into little pieces that bothered him so much, it was the endless rounds of cleaning that this always prompted when back in camp. Funny how they never mention that in Templar training, “oh yes, on top of all the discipline and powers you will be spending most of your time doing sodding CLEANING!”. Oh yeah, sign me up for that.
“Are you cleaning that sword or attempting to coerce it into your tent, one wonders?” Oh do sod off Morrigan.
“Ahh, if you are having problems with your rubbing technique I have a few books you could borrow..” aaaaand you can sod off too Zevran.
“Woof, bark bark!” oh great, commentary from the bloody dog now!
All I need now, he thought, is a witty comment from our esteemed leader and my evening will be truly complete. As the silence continued though he stole a quick glance to see that she wasn’t even watching him. In fact he felt more than slightly hurt that her attention was diverted entirely to investigating her shoes. Like a mage ever got close enough to the action to ever suffer damage to her equipment, she should try getting splattered with half a metric ton of guts each day.
Errr, hang on, she’s not checking out her shoes, she’s stretching…oh Maker’s Breath that girl is flexible, I wish could help her work out those kinks in her spine…although not THAT way! I wonder what they teach in the Circle of Mages that means she can bend backward like that, granted not wearing full plate armour the whole time probably helps but, wow, that’s some talent there.
Oh no, please, no touching the toes…oh my word that is a very nice view…
“’ere, plate man, ye’ll be havin’ nae sword left at all if ye keep rubbin’ it like that!”. Bugger that Oghren anyway, drunken dwarvish git.
Never sneeze whilst eating cous-cous.
I just pebbledashed my monitor.
I'm in the South West, it's blimmin cold!
"usr has error message on computer. usr has shut machine down and won't power it back up until it is fixed"
So, I need a combination of telepathy and telekinesis to fix a remote machine that is powered off and which I don't even know what the issue is? Yeah I'll get right on THAT.
...but not this time. And how did these passengers get home when the electric trains couldn't run? Was this solved by modern technology to the rescue?
No.
It was solved by a steam train.
Modern technology? PAH!
1. Yes we do have Beef and Onion, Roast Chicken and Prawn Cocktail flavour crisps. Basically we'll make crisp flavours out of anything that won't crawl off a plate.
2. Don't say your 'fanny' hurts. Fanny does not mean 'bum' in the UK, it in fact refers to 'vagina'. So if you are a bloke saying it, expect some really fucking odd stares.
3. 'Can I bum a fag?' doesn't mean what you think it means. Someone is asking you for a cigarette, not permission for gay sex.
4. Driving across roundabouts is only scary the first 2,432 times
5. Toad in the Hole is not made from toads.
6. and 'spotted dick' as not a veneral disease.
7. The most popular dish in the UK is curry. It might look like diarrhea on a plate but it's quite spicy and very nice. If anyone tells you that a Phaal is a good 'beginner' curry - be warned that they are actually trying to get you to ingest the equivalent of aircraft fuel and your host better have shuttle re-entry tiles on the toilet for the next day.
8. Yes we do drink that much tea
9. We don't have Hersheys chocolate, we have Cadburys. Trust me, it's a lot nicer.
10. Our common response to ANY crisis is to 'put the kettle on' for a cup of tea. We accept no liability for you returning back to the states with a serious caffiene addiction.
Yesterday afternoon I was involved in a head-on collision with another car, I've sustained minor injuries (which hurt like fuck because when you've got a spinal problem anyway the LAST thing you want is whiplash) and my poor car is all smashed up on one corner.
So I'm figuring it's a vengeful god(dess) who requires a sacrifice. I have an old pentium machine that might do, along with a dead printer - I'm thinking incense and candles...
1. Have many many days of unreasoning panic
2. Finally lose it one evening and howl eyes out hysterically for 3 hours
3. Feel like utter shit afterward
The doctor says that it is likely due to a) me being unable to deal with situations I cannot control - aka waiting around to hear about the job and b) seriously repressed memories from the events of March this year. This being my new doctor (5th one this year I think).
For b) he's referring me to cognitive behavioral therapy along with a stern reminder that bottling up trauma just results in shit like this 8 months down the line and for the rest he has given his professional medical opinion that a LOT of my current health issues would be solved if I got the hell out of London.
Tell me something I don't know.
The doc told me to take it easy since recovery from pericarditis can take about a week after they start giving you medications, although truthfully I feel a lot better anyway. But freedom from stress as an adult is a lovely concept but unrealistic. We all have stresses. Everything from major job, money, health worries to the minor 'oh crap I just said something stupid on the interwebs' or 'damn I need to flame this arsehole in the worst way'.
Looking back on things though - in just about every occurance of the minor stresses, even including getting banned from forums for getting into a fight (I still maintain I was right), a few months down the line it's of no importance whatsoever. So I'm trying to look at things logically with regards how likely it is that the current stress can affect me or if it will even occur.
Paradoxically, the one thing I don't get stressed over is my health. I know it's crap, but I can't do anything about it, so why worry....
I've never known anyone with a thyroid problem so I'm not sure whether a diagnosis here would be a good thing or a bad thing. Advice from anyone appreciated.
It was probably one of the harder interviews I have ever gone through - quickfire questions about hypothetical scenarios and how I would deal with them, questions on technical skills, queries about how I've dealt with difficult situations in the past etc. By far the hardest though was explaining why I've had about 4 weeks total signed off work ill this year, which is rather a lot. However they did seem to be genuinely shocked to hear that most of that was due to the incident in March of me getting my head kicked in by a bunch of muggers, I did point out that that is the primary reason why I no longer want to work in London.
I am happy that I did the best I could, I asked relevant questions at the end and I remembered interview etiquette about eye contact, body language, making sure I spoke to all the interviewers and not just one, shaking hands and thanking them for their time. It just remains to be seen if I was better than the other people they interviewed. Fingers crossed I should find out on Monday or Tuesday whether I am going to be able to leave London behind for good.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
Here’s how to really make friends with a third-line support team:
- Send us all calls to do with password resets and user queries about what that ‘funny black box on the desk’ is. We deal with complex issues every day and it’s nice to deal with the banal stuff.
- Insist you know more than us because you once looked up the name of the application on Google. I mean, that’s all we do after all….
- Sit on a call for 5 days and then assign it to us. We need the practise gained from our anger management courses to deal with irate users.
- Send us calls of ‘user has problem’. We like puzzles.
- Please do re-open calls that we have fixed just because you don’t think our solution could possibly have worked. We like second opinions.
- Assign us calls on 9pm Friday night and then bitch to our boss that it’s now Monday morning and we’ve not done anything. You don’t get to be 3rd Tier without having no life whatsoever.
- Keep escalating calls to do with one users copy of Excel not working. Those crashed servers we’re dealing with can wait anyway.
- Email our managers about why do we only close 4-5 calls a day when you deal with hundreds. We’re lazy and need the wakeup.
- Assign ANY and all calls directly to us without doing any troubleshooting first. We were just sitting here drinking tea all day anyway and nothing gives us more joy than finding out the user hadn’t powered the computer on.
- Log all tickets under ‘Windows Fault’. Since all the computers run on Windows it doesn’t matter the specific application.
(Yanked out of my head while my sister was doing my hair, with accompanying 'ha ha, you're OLD' jokes)
Went out to the shops just now and just got back with stuff for dinner and it wasn't until the fuel warning light came on in the car that I remembered what I had ORIGINALLY gone out for.
Petrol.
Damn.
- Music:Takahashi Youko - Cruel Angel Thesis | Powered by Last.fm
Someone at work today asked why we, as a company, had not done anything to remember the fallen of 11/9 (that's 9/11 if you write it in the US standard where you put the month first) and went on to preach about how by NOT standing up we were letting 'the terrorists win'.
I asked what he had done on 7/7. Why? Said he, what's so special about that date?
Oh, you know, only the city we work in was bombed by terrorists, killing people on the Underground and the London buses and causing major widespread disruption across the entire network. One of those bombs going off only a few hundred metres from our head office, which is itself only 5 minutes walk away from OUR building.
Oh. Said he. Well, that doesn't really matter so much, it's not like anyone remembers it.
I remember it.....
It wasn't the normal pain I am used to - this was spiking, stabbing, cramping horror. The doctor put me on some low dose valium for the week to ease it off and I returned to work on Friday.
This weekend I have been suffering with this, it got to be so bad today I borrowed some strong pain meds off my family, which has eased it off slightly. Now however, I am well aware that having been in this much pain I really do have to go back to the doctor tomorrow so he can figure out what has gone wrong and try something that is going to work. But I was off work most of last week and really do NOT want to take any more time off, I know my boss will be pissed if I'm not in tomorrow, he wanted to talk to me about my time off last week..
I don't know what to do.
Kitty in her more usual "you've got 20 seconds to get that camera out of my face before I rip you a new orifice" mood
Kitty in a sedate mood
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