It's time to say goodbye to the only car I have ever owned. I've had this motor for over 7 years and he was my mother's and then my great-aunt's before her. Venerable old 20 year old motor, I've loved him for as long as I've had him. He was even dressed up for my wedding and was the car I drove to the ceremony in.

But with the continuing degeneration of my back and joints it's becoming impossible for me to drive something so heavy on the steering and he's requiring more and more money each year just to fix the rust patches enough to keep him on the road. The UK is doing a trade-in programme for old cars, you essentially sell them for scrap and you get £2k toward buying a brand new car, so now is the time to say goodbye.

And gods this hurts. The practical side of me made this decision and keeps telling me it's only a car and that machines shouldn't be mourned, but the other side of me is upset over this.

Edit: However, did acquire 2 BPAL scents today. A full bottle of Cthulhu and an imp of Centzon Totochtin. The Cthulhu one is a VERY strong watery smell which indeed does remind one of the deep sea. I can't wear more than a tiny bit of it at a time because it is exceptionally strong.
The Centzon Totochtin is a spicy warm chocolate-like/ginger smell which is easier to wear, at least for me.

" a few hundred die from swine flu and the world wants to wear a mask, millions die from HIV and people still refuse to wear a condom."

(Unknown source)

I read the latest Anita Blake novel today.

That's 2 hours of my life I want back.

(No I didn't buy it, one of the lasses at work gave it to me)

Plot (such that it is): Anita sucks every male in the vicinity into her Crotch Of Doom. Shagging occurs. She witters on about some metaphysical shit for about 5 minutes then fucks a load more. Story ends.

Friend of mine sent me this link with "want to see what Brent Spiner did before he was Data?"

I've never even seen or heard of 'Night Court' but if the series was half this good it must have been an hilarious show!

Apparently no women ever liked Star Trek before the recent film.

That's right fellow female fans of sci-fi, we only EVER watch science fiction if our man tells us to, we only watch it to perv over the men (okay, I do admit to drooling over early Brent Spiner), we can't possibly understand the plots...

...and while we're at it, we can't understand computers and what the hell are we doing out of the kitchen anyway?

I'm off to cook now that I have been shown the error of my ways by the internet, having said that my last dinner ended up looking like a coolant leak in Main Engineering....

My parents have a new cat, a 5 year old rescue kitty called 'Tilly'.

She HATES being picked up but will sit on anyones lap, can do a standing jump clear up the wall, squeaks when she purrs (think she needs oiling..), has decimated the local pigeon population and can clear the room if she farts.

I think she's part abyssinian, there is a strong amount of that in her, although her markings are more tabby.




I think she's adorable though. Even though she's using my legs as a pincushion...ow ow ow

No matter the mood, no matter the day, this clip never fails to make me laugh. It's safe for work...

...it is however gloriously silly!

The one downside (well, one of em) of a British summer is that it brings wasps out by the bloody dozen. I seriously do not know of anyone who does not get at least pissed off when one of these buggers flies in through an open window and starts chasing you round the house.

So, tried and tested, here is Commanderd's experiments in how to get rid of wasps:

1. Wasp-killing spray. Not preferred, not only does this shit REEK but it has a seriously delayed reaction, meaning that in 10 minutes you will have a dead wasp but up until then you have a stinky smelly seriously fucked-off wasp.
2. Extra-hold hairspray. Works faster than wasp-killing spray but has a similar reek factor, not to mention highly flammable. You have pissed-off wasp for 5 minutes instead of 10 and it doesn't kill them, just makes them immobile for a while.
3. Swatting with rolled-up computer magazine. Benefit of zero stench and dead wasp, downside of getting stung when you miss and getting SERIOUSLY fucked-off wasp going straight for the face.
4. Running out the room, shutting the door and hoping wasp will find it's way out. Benefit of no stench and not getting stung, downside of seriously DUMB wasp being unable to get out of an open window 10 yards away and meaning you can't go back into the room for a day or so.
5. Screaming like a girl and demanding husband evict wasp. He generally goes for plan 4 which kind of makes that approach stupid.
6. Bottle of Febreze. I don't know what the fuck is in this shit but you squirt it on a wasp and it falls down stunned INSTANTLY. You then have non-threatening nice-smelling wasp that you can scoop up and fling out of the window/throw down the bog at your leisure.

Conclusion: Keep a bottle of Frebreze in each room. Not only will it make your clothes smell better but it knocks wasps out. They should advertise that, it would boost sales like crazy in the UK..

Frankly I blame ms_daisy_cutter  for introducing me to this oh-so-bad-it's-funny comic with her epic review of Jim Balent's edition that featured those immortal words:

YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, YOUR VAGINA IS HAUNTED!

Latest edition features that bastion of feminist power, Tarot, washing her tits and arse for 5 PAGES while wittering on about some power inherant in the boobs (come and see the power inherant in the boobies! help help I'm being oppressed!), after which she puts her clothes on, goes into fairyland, becomes entranced by some Satyr's tune and strips all her clothes off again.

This is about as much plot as Tarot gets at the moment.

Me - "I don't have a list of things that piss me off"
Boss - "ahh good"
Me - "I have a database"

(Okay for those of you in warmer climates I know 27c is not especially hot but for England with it's notoriously high humidity and northern location it bloody well is).

Today I left the house at 5am, my lightest cloak on (unlined velvet) and suit for a nice cool walk to the train station.
This evening I came home after being sardined into an underground train with about 100 smelly tourists, hurried up the platform at Paddington to enjoy the enclosed space with 20 diesel engines going full bore in it and then stuck on a train to go home sat next to someone who was sweating like a guy who had been masturbating for a month.

Consequently, I now smell worse than an elephant's cunt. I'm off for a shower...a decontamination one at that. FUCK I hate the city in summer.

This has been bugging me all day...

 Aside from Tasha Yar, has Data ever shagged anyone?

 Today I was in such crippling pain from ovarian cysts that walking to the station was not an option, so I took my car. Not too much of a problem driving (nearly) one-handed for the short 2 mile jaunt and I parked in the usual long-stay car park. Daily charge is £7.20, bit steep but better than walking along and bleeding all over the path.

Go up to the ticket machines to pay, put card in, follow instructions...and get a series of error messages. Try again. No luck. Person behind me tries, no luck again. Fuck this, it's 5:30am, back to car I go, put notice in windscreen that the machines are not working (and detail the exact error message) and that I'll pay the daily charge by whatever means is best for them. I've done this before when the machines were fucked and I usually get a nice note asking me to send a cheque for the amount to their address. All good.

Not today. Get back to find a 'Parking Violation' notice on my car and a demand for the parking cost plus an £80 penalty fee. And in true non-helpful ways the number they provide on the back is an automated response line telling you what a naughty person you are and to cough up the full fine.
So, have left a complaint on their website (the only other means of contacting them) that I want to speak to a human being regarding this cost and while I am more than happy to pay the daily parking charge, I am not prepared to pay a penalty charge because THEIR BLOODY MACHINES WERE NOT WORKING.

Going to make a copy of the ticket tomorrow and send them a cheque for the parking amount by registered post, and god help them if they try to make me pay any more than that.

Can I start the year again please? It needs a serious reboot.

I'm typing this one handed (not due to porn, minds out of gutter please) owing to spending this afternoon in A&E again getting x-rayed and patched up, so now my left wrist is in a brace and hooked up in a sling.

Stupid bitch that I am fell down the stairs at the station.

Sometimes we get calls passed down to third line that never should have made it past the Helpdesk. Today though will go down in history as being the first one that literally made me push my chair back in disbelief:

Call notes: Usr reports a virus warning on her PC. usr wants to know if this means she can catch swine flu? plz clean up URGENT.

I couldn't take the call, too busy headbanging my desk...

Where to begin if you want to find out more about the psychotic mod behind several forums...

1. I have many varied quirks, I eat pasta dipped in black coffee, still won't sleep without a teddy bear, can belch IP addresses, have zero interest in children and am never having any, think lava lamps are fascinating to watch and once blew up a lake for fun. I can fart on purpose but never do it outside the house :p

2. I'm fine with any religion, sexual preference, lifestyle choice or colour or nationality. The only exceptions are people who would try and force their beliefs or moral ideals on me, or pro-lifers. Sorry, but that last one is a deal-breaker with me, if you support restrictions on women's choices then I cannot ever respect you. Kind of a big intolerance of mine that...

3. I work in IT and hold a senior post. I like funny stories about computers providing they don't involve urban myths.

4. Sometimes my depression takes over and I find it hard to show anything even remotely resembling emotion, I will completely shut down. It's a defense mechanism to keep me relatively sane with all the chronic pain issues I have.

5. I'm severely phobic of certain eight-legged creatures, to the extent that I prefer to not even write the name. I can't look at pictures of them either. Please do not post them on my journal. It's the only thing I am severely phobic of.

6. I think porn is normal and healthy, have been known to write slashfic on occassion and didn't actually hurl my cookies the first time I watched 2girls1cup (DO NOT GOOGLE IF AT WORK). Not a hell of a lot grosses me out to be honest, which might be because my first job was at a sewage works. 

7. I've been teetotal for years, but have enough revolting other habits to make up for it. I find fart jokes hilarious.

8. My ideal man is Anthony Stewart Head.

After 2 weeks off work after my attack I'm ready to head back to work. Physically I'm still in pain but if I don't get back to work soon I'm going to go completely batshit fucking nutbar insane. I can't stand prolonged periods off work.

What am I not looking forward to? Two things:
1. Setting foot in London again. I don't know how I'm going to feel about that until I'm back there
2. Dealing with everyone. I know people will mean well but I really won't feel like relating 20 or so times the details of what happened to me. I'd rather put it in the past where it belongs and just move on with life.

Yeah, I know denial of the whole thing ain't healthy but then neither is getting beaten up and mugged. At the end of the day we do whatever we have to do to get on with life because sometimes, shit happens to us for no fault of our own.

DVDs I managed to watch whilst off work:
The complete Evangelion series
Up Pompeii
Fullmetal Alchemist (never seen it before)
R.O.D the TV series (loving it)
Bottom Live (all of them)
South Park series 4 and 8
The Young Ones
The Geisha House (lovely film, Japanese language with english subtitles)
She-Ra the Movie (Yeah, STFU, I like She-Ra)
Buffy series 2
The best of Have I Got News For You
...and a load of other shite I can't remember right now...

From my earlier post detailing the horrific day I endured last week I have some updates:

Mentally I was starting to recover from the assault, going out for short walks on my own, getting replacement cards delivered, even had a lovely message sent to me by the IT Director of our firm saying how sorry she was that something so horrific happened to a member of staff and hoped I got well soon. I felt like I was slowly healing.

Then I got a letter from the Metropolitan police.

They are closing the case due to lack of evidence (no CCTV footage basically). This means my attacker is still out there and the police are not even looking for him.

I am signed off work for 2 weeks, but knowing that whoever did this to me will still be there in London when I go back is not a hell I wish upon my worst enemy. I'll deal with it. I always do. Eventually.

But so this post is not all doom and gloom - have some Play-Doh or Crayon perfume.